


Angry

by KatrinaRice



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:27:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25397635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatrinaRice/pseuds/KatrinaRice
Summary: Lately, all they did was fight. And Erwin’s scared that this time Levi will leave.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 20
Kudos: 227





	Angry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Auurii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auurii/gifts).



> My dear Auri, I hope this will help in making you feel better a tiny bit at least :) Thank you for all the beautiful conversations we have and how much you help me with my fics by simply listening and also discussing a lot of stuff with me!

Erwin was scared to go home.

They had fought again in the morning after another major argument the night before. And this time Erwin was sure the house would be empty when he’d get there, and that he’d find a goodbye message from his lover pinned to the fridge.

Lately, Levi has been giving him shit for anything Erwin did. No matter what he said, it was wrong. No matter what he tried, it wasn’t the right thing. Levi was always _angry_ , frustrated with Erwin. And the most ridiculous fact about their constant fights was the fact that Erwin didn’t even have a clue what they were fighting about _for real_ . Because Levi going off and screaming at him about petty things such as a bed not made or the dishes not done or the bills not paid yet; this wasn’t _the core_ of their conflict- merely the tip of the iceberg, things that were only touching the surface and unleashing all the anger boiling underneath, sizzling deep inside of the raven-haired man. 

Right?

Erwin wasn’t sure.

Maybe they had simply reached the end of their relationship? Maybe Erwin wasn’t enough anymore? Too plain? Too boring? Not what Levi needed anymore? Maybe Erwin had lost his appeal?

They hadn’t had sex in three months. Something that had never occurred before in their time together. Their _long_ time together: Their 10th anniversary was just around the corner. But Erwin wasn’t sure if they would get to celebrate it.

True, he was a failure when it came to domestic things, chores. And Levi was right: He could do more. Hell, he _should_ do more. And maybe one day he would finally get the hang of things and be able to iron Levi’s shirts and trousers _just_ the way the raven wanted them to be ironed, be able to keep the house clean _just_ like Levi wanted it to be. But it wasn’t like Erwin was _messy_ . They just had different standards concerning cleanliness and chores, and the gap between those two was huge; and Levi didn’t seem to want to step it down, meet in the middle, which wasn’t okay at first glance. But then again, _he_ had been the one to move for Erwin. The one who had left his family behind in his hometown 300 kilometres away, gotten a new job, the new life. Levi had been the one who had had to make new friends, adjust. So all in all, Levi had sacrificed _a lot_ for Erwin – and maybe only _now_ he was asking for things in return?

And Erwin had to give him those things.

God, he thought, walking up the stairs with quivering knees, please let him be home. Please let him be okay, let _them_ be okay. _Please._

He couldn’t be without Levi. He just _couldn’t_. Erwin knew.

“Levi?” he called, closing the door.

Nothing.

With a pounding heart the blond man of 40 years made his way through their house. Through their _empty_ house. Because Levi wasn’t there. And Erwin’s legs trembled even more when he saw a note pinned to the fridge, his heartbeat picking up so much he was sure it would shatter his ribcage. He held his breath when he walked closer and read it – and then released in slight relief. 

Because it _wasn’t_ a goodbye note.

_“I’m at Petra’s, picking up some strawberry jam.”_

Of course, they had phones and texted each other now and then, but those traditional notes had always been _their thing_ . And somehow Erwin was happy that Levi had done that – sticking to _their thing_. It gave the blond hope.

Knowing Levi’s former co-worker turned close friend from his first job here would force him to sit down and talk to her for hours – which Levi loved doing anyway – Erwin knew his boyfriend would be home late. And no matter how late that would be, he’d be awake when Levi came home. Because they really needed to talk. Even if it wasn’t about their ongoing conflict, but just how Levi’s dear friend was doing and how their workday had been, they really needed to just _talk_. Because Erwin really needed to know that they were okay. Somehow.

But he didn’t manage to stay awake, fell asleep on the couch while reading a book. He woke up to the smell of freshly brewed tea and freshly baked bread and footsteps coming closer. And when he opened his eyes, Levi set a small plate with two slices of white bread with Petra’s self-made strawberry jam in front of Erwin, smiling lightly at his boyfriend.

“Hard day?” he asked softly, and Erwin’s heart skipped a beat. For Levi sounded so gentle, and his smile was so tender as he sat down next to Erwin with his own cup of tea, the one Erwin had just bought him.

“Y-yeah,” Erwin answered, “thank you,” he added, pointing to the meal.

“Try it, the jam is a masterpiece. As is the bread. I made it with Petra. You’re gonna love it.”

Erwin did.

“It tastes amazing.”

“Be sure to tell her.”

“...how is she?” Erwin dared to start a conversation, eating the lovely food Levi prepared for him as he listened to his lover telling him about his friend’s well-being and how he had not only helped her in baking the bread but also to install some new lamps and curtain rods, because Petra simply loved redecorating and her partner Olou was useless when it came to being a handyman.

“Sounds like a lot of work,” Erwin said, grinning slightly. Levi sighed, grinning too. 

“You know I like doing things around the house anyway.”

“Yeah, I’m really grateful for that.” Because just like Olou, Erwin was a useless handyman, too.

Levi snorted. “Of course you are.”

“I, uh, Mike cancelled our fishing trip on Saturday, so if you still wanna go to the garden center to buy new plants for our terrace, I could come with you…?” 

Levi smiled, after he had taken another sip of his tea. “That would be great, yeah.”

Happiness flooded Erwin’s chest at those gently spoken words. Somehow this conversation felt as if everything was okay between them, and only then, when Levi elaborated on what flowers and plants he planned on buying and why, Erwin realised _how_ relieved he was – and how scared he was about the future, too. How much this, whatever it was that was currently going on between them, burdened him. How much he _feared_ Levi would choose to go on _without Erwin_ by his side. How much he dreaded _not_ having the raven-haired man of 37 years by his side.

“Erwin,” Levi’s alarmed voice brought him back to reality, “what’s… Hey, what’s wrong, big guy?”

The blond man blinked, and suddenly, he felt the tears already brimming his eyes and his voice started to break as he spoke, “I… I…” 

It felt as if someone was clawing his chest open when he turned his head to look at his beautiful lover, who was observing him with a soft, but also concerned expression. And the blond knew then that if they were ever separated, he would _not_ be able to handle this. His thoughts spilled out of his mouth uncontrollably. 

“Please don’t leave me, Levi…” he mumbled, tears streaming down his cheeks, his hands forming into fists, his fingernails digging into his own thighs in order to stop himself from breaking down completely. “Please don’t break up with me,” he repeated, his voice shaky, “I’ll try harder. I promise. I’ll be better. I’ll help you more around the house, I’ll give it my best, every day. Cut down on the bar visits with Mike and Moblit, work a little less so I will have more energy for the chores, so I can concentrate better on the tasks you give me, okay? Just please… Please don’t leave me, Levi.”

“Honey…” Levi mumbled, seemingly surprised by this – but, for once, not _angry_. “Oh, honey…” Levi mumbled again, his voice croaky, as he set down his tea cup; and then instantly moved to hug Erwin, who instinctively wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, pressing his face against his slender neck.

“I’m sorry,” the blond man sobbed against the thin skin, “I’m so sorry.”

Levi held him tightly, his nimble fingers carding through Erwin’s hair, the other arm wrapped around his back. He breathed a kiss onto Erwin’s head, who sobbed another apology against Levi’s throat.

“No, babe, _I’m_ the one who should be sorry,” Levi answered after a while, after Erwin had calmed down a little, still holding his giant boyfriend tightly. “I won’t leave you, I _love_ you. You know that…”

Erwin sniffled. 

“Hey, let me get you a tissue. All right?” Levi proposed gently and Erwin nodded, slowly letting go of his boyfriend who came back within seconds, handing him a handkerchief.

“Thanks,” Erwin croaked, wiping away his tears and blowing his nose, Levi’s hand caressing his upper arm in a soothing fashion. “I’m sorry…” he repeated.

“Stop apologizing,” Levi chastised him softly. “I should be the one to do that, I was… I was horrible to you this morning. Yesterday, too. Hell, _all_ those pasts months, I…” he sighed. 

Levi wasn’t wrong. He _had_ called Erwin an idiot, and _not_ in his usual playful way, but in a menacing, serious tone. Degrading. Had thrown insults at him even worse than that, had called him a useless piece of shit, a stupid child, an asshole, just to name a few words that had hurt a lot.

“Tell me what I’m doing wrong,” Erwin requested cautiously, looking Levi deep in the eyes, sniffling again. “Please. I want to… I know it’s not just the chores. I mean, I… I get it. You really have all the reason to be pissed off with me and I will try my hardest to do everything you tell me to do around the house the way you want it to be done, but… That can’t be the _only_ reason you are so _mad_ at me the whole time, Levi… Please, Levi… Tell me. I want to… _I want to save us_ …”

At that, Erwin witnessed a frown settling on the raven-haired’s face – and he was so fucking scared that, once again, he had said something wrong, and that Levi would go berserk and scream at him and insult him, slamming doors and yelling at him to sleep in the living room.

But that didn’t happen.

Instead, Levi sighed, his shoulders slumping, and Erwin watched him chewing on his bottom lip; a sign that he was contemplating what to say.

“Fuck,” Levi cursed, “I… I’m sorry. I’ve been an asshat,” he added, smiling sadly at Erwin. “I’ve been a real asshole to you and you don’t deserve this… I’ve been… I have just been taking my frustrations and anger, about myself, out on you,” he confessed, and Erwin’s heartbeat picked up again, as a pang of fear shot through his whole body.

“Did you… Did you cheat on me, Levi?” he heard himself asking breathlessly, causing the raven to scowl at him instantly.

“No! What the fuck, Erwin?!”

“I…”

“Sorry,” Levi interjected before the blond could anything else. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. Again, I…”

Silence befell them.

Erwin swallowed thickly before he tried to speak to his boyfriend again. “Please talk to me, Levi…”

“I’m fucking trying!” The raven groaned, his whole body flinching before he ran both of his hands through his dark hair in frustration, sighing one more time. But nothing came out of his mouth after that. 

Erwin waited for another minute or so before he softly enquired: “What are you frustrated about and… how can I help?”

Levi didn’t look at him as he scoffed and finally started talking. “Yesterday at work Sasha told me she and Connie are getting married. And that pissed me off so fucking much.”

“...but you… but you like Connie and—”

“That’s not the fucking point, Erwin!” Levi snarled at him, and Erwin immediately shut up. Scared and confused and— “I really, really wanna be happy for them, but I fucking can’t! And it’s driving me nuts! Because I vowed to never become a person who can’t be happy for his friends because of envy. But I just can’t really be happy for them right now. And when I think about having to go to _another_ wedding, I want to fucking puke!” The words tumbled out, angry but also weak and desperate. “Everyone around me is getting married – Nanaba and Mike, Hange and Moblit, Petra and Olou, Eren and Mikasa, even Isabel and Gunther, after only going out for six months. Six months, Erwin!” Levi complained, tears brimming in his eyes – and Erwin was utterly confused and concerned like never before.

“What… I don’t—”

“What about _me_ ?!” Levi screamed at him then, gesticulating wildly with his hands. “What about _us_ ? We’ve been together for almost _ten_ fucking years and, and… And I am so tired of those questions, of everyone asking me when _we_ will get married, and honestly, I feel like you’re keeping an backdoor open for yourself, you know: When shit goes down the drain you can just walk out without any legal affairs to sort out. Shut the door and be gone, totally uncomplicated. I feel like I’m not good enough for you, like you’re waiting for someone better to come along, like—”

“Wait,” Erwin interjected with his pulse like that of an untrained man trying to run a fucking marathon, his hands shaking as the cogs of his brain were turning and he was trying to understand what his boyfriend was telling him. “Are you saying… Are you saying you’re mad at me because... I haven’t proposed yet?”

Levi boiled with rage and frustration and… sadness as he glared at the blond, a tear rolling down the pale cheek which the raven immediately wiped away. “Will you ever?!” he spat back – and this sent Erwin down into an even _more_ confusing spiral of thoughts and grueling emotions.

“Levi,” he said his name sharply, turning fully to his side to look straight into his lover’s face, “you told me _more than once_ that you _hate_ the concept of marriage!” he reminded his boyfriend, who angrily wiped away another tear from his other cheek, which irritated Erwin. Just as much as it hurt him to see Levi like that. “You said that it is a ‘heterosexual, outdated, oppressive Christian tradition that should be erased from history’!” he quoted Levi’s words with a trembling voice, making the raven shed even more of his angry tears. And Erwin wasn’t sure whether he was angry himself right now – or just hurt and confused.

And hopeful.

“I know!” Levi bellowed, wiping tears away with both hands now, ignoring the tissues he had brought to their table himself. “I fucking know, and I still think it _is_ , but…”

“But what…?”

Levi covered his face with both of his hands now, sobbing. “I still wanna get married,” he wailed – and Erwin nearly fell off the sofa by this tremendous revelation that made his skin tingle and his heart beat so fast like it had never done before, that made his eyes widen and his jaw drop. “I thought… I thought…” Levi tried to speak, hiccuping and sniffling, his face still buried in his hands, “I thought you’d just ignore what I said, because… you’re a romantic. And you take risks. And I thought… I thought you’d just go for it anyway and propose, see what happens, trust in our bond and that I’d say yes despite my words, and I… I’ve waited for _so long_ and everytime after one of our friend’s got engaged, I thought you’d finally ask me too. But… But you didn’t, and… And I’m wondering whether… I think you just don’t _want_ to marry me, do you, Erwin?”

Levi’s confession was a bombshell. One that blew but also lit everything up.

So _this_ was the core problem.

_This_ was the issue.

_This._

Levi sniffled, finally daring to look at his boyfriend of almost ten years. He looked fragile. Angry, yes, but also broken. And Erwin’s inside shattered too. Because he was so hurt by those words.

And also so fucking relieved.

“S-say something…” Levi pleaded. But Erwin didn’t. Couldn’t. 

His emotional fuses were blown out.

He jumped up as if driven by an external power, unable to speak, only programmed to move. And so he did, practically running to their built-out attic, his personal reading and working space, starting to rip it apart, his boyfriend following.

“Erwin!” Levi pleaded as he watched his lover rip open his many drawers, rummaging through them like a madman. “Erwin, fuck, what the hell…?” Levi tried, not sounding angry but scared, unable to reach the blond maniac. Until said maniac finally found what he had buried deep in his belongings quite a while ago. Only then, holding the object of his insane desire in his hand, he turned to look at his lover.

“Levi,” he said, his voice trembling, but urgent. With determination he walked over to him and got down on one knee, opening the little velvet box resting on the palm of his left hand, revealing a pitch black ring made of carbon. “Will you marry me?”

The raven-haired blinked, his blue-silver eyes transfixed on the ring, mouth opened, his facial expression one of bewilderment. 

“When… When… When did you get this?” Levi asked breathlessly, still staring at the item of engagement in Erwin’s slightly trembling hand.

“Three years ago,” Erwin answered truthfully. “It… I… It was like you said: I… I wanted to ask you anyway, but… But then, at Mike’s and Nanaba’s wedding, you got _so_ worked up about it and told me how much you _hated_ the way Nan’s dad _handed her over_ to Mike at the altar, like she was a piece of meat, how degrading it was to women especially, and how fucked up marriage was in general, that it wasn’t a symbol of love, but people only did it because of tax advantages, and that it should be abolished, and how you didn’t get that gay people wanted to get married, because it was an institution created by homophobic, straight assholes…” Erwin continued. “And so, I faltered, and decided that… That I would accept the fact that you didn’t want to get married and told myself we could be happy the way we are but…”

Huge tears were spilling down Levi’s face and Erwin somehow regretted having brought up this memory, but… But it was the truth. Those _had_ been Levi’s words. 

But, as Erwin now knew, they had probably been uttered in frustration. Because Levi had been waiting for Erwin to propose, and with each passing year, with each engagement in their circle of friends, those frustrations had probably grown. Erwin got that now. He also understood, without Levi having to tell him, that the raven was and had been too proud to propose on his own. And because Levi had already sacrificed so much to be with Erwin, the blond man also found it to be right for him to be the one to take that step.

And so now, finally, he wanted to take it.

“So, Levi Ackerman: Will you marry my sorry, big, white ass, or what?” Erwin picked up, trying to mimic his boyfriend’s sweetly crude way of talking, making the dark-haired man huff out a trembling laugh, some more of his hot tears streaming down his cheeks.

And then, finally, Levi gave Erwin his answer.

“Yes.”

They both smiled and laughed nervously as Erwin almost dropped the ring because his hands were shaking so much when he tried to slip it onto Levi’s finger. Eventually, he managed – and was enthralled by the sight of Levi happily gazing down at his hand, at the black ring Erwin had put on him with so much meaning. And Levi’s smile, as Erwin got up and both men finally locked eyes again, was as beautiful as the sunrise itself. 

“I love you,” said Erwin, grasping both of Levi’s hands, squeezing them tightly, “from the bottom of my heart, Levi. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Levi swallowed audibly, probably holding back some more tears, but he wasn’t successful because they came nonetheless. Yet this time, they weren’t caused by sadness and anger. They were happy tears as Levi swung his arms around Erwin and pressed his face against the tall man’s chest.

“I’m so sorry, Erwin…” he mumbled, and Erwin held him tightly, stroking his _fiancé’s_ head. “And I love you, too, I was just—”

“Hey,” Erwin interjected whispering, “let’s talk later about that stuff. Let’s just now enjoy the moment, okay?”

“Okay....”

And they did. Just standing there in the attic of their beautiful home, holding on to each other, exchanging soft kisses and gentle caresses, tender smiles and more declarations of love, thriving on their newly found romance, their new chapter begun by a simple question that should have been asked a long time ago.

Erwin loved the look of Levi’s face, the pure and unfiltered, happy and giddy expression, as they took a picture of their hands entwined, displaying the carbon ring to send it to all their friends and families, the raven-haired man reading out all the messages of congratulations coming in while they sipped on chilled champagne. 

“Do you want me to tell you how I was going to propose to you three years ago?” Erwin asked Levi when they were lying in bed and he was spooning his smaller lover, whom he felt nodding in answer to his question. “I was going to do it at the park where we went to on our first date, take you out on a picnic, get that ice cream you loved so much back then, your favourite tea from the shop we used to frequent a lot during our first years together when we were still living in that area and then pop the ring into a glass of champagne and hand it to you during sunset.”

“You old fucking sap…” murmured – in a tone full of tenderness that told Erwin Levi was smiling. Then, the raven turned around within Erwin’s embrace, breathing a kiss onto his fiancé’s lips. “Can we do that picnic anyway? On Saturday?” he then asked him.

“I thought you wanted to go to the garden center…?”

“Screw the garden center,” Levi said smirking. 

“Okay,” Erwin happily agreed, kissing Levi tenderly.

They talked during that picnic. For hours. And Levi poured out his whole soul, opened up to Erwin completely, let out all the withheld emotions of the past years as they made a vow to never let things that bothered them unspoken again; to always tell each other the truth. To communicate like they used to, without boundaries or worries how their thoughts and emotions might come across to the other.

Levi confirmed all that Erwin had thought. That while he ranted about marriages he was secretly hoping for Erwin to wed him anyway, that he had no idea how and when his opinion about that traditional bond had changed, and how he didn’t know what to do about it. How his anger on marriage itself turned into envy and devastation.

“I know _I_ could have just proposed, but…” Levi said, sighing, looking at the glass of champagne in his hand. “I was a coward, and I thought you’d laugh at me because all of my ranting about marriage.”

“I would never laugh at you, Levi,” Erwin reassured.

“I… I know, babe…” Levi said, smiling almost shyly. “And, about the chores… I… You really don’t need to do more, you’re already doing enough, baby, and you work far more hours than I do, and it’s really okay. I was just… I was just generally angry and used this shit to vent. I’m an asshole…”

“I forgive you, Levi,” Erwin murmured, bringing his fiancé’s small hand to his lips to breathe a kiss onto it, “but I will really try to help you more and improve because I think you are right that sometimes I just don’t really pay attention to things lying around and shit and I know how much this bothers you. And I want you to be happy. At all times.”

“I really don’t deserve you, Erwin,” Levi mumbled, leaning forward to place a soft kiss on the blond man’s lips. “I love you.”

Erwin smirked as he suddenly had an idea. 

He grasped Levi’s hand and went for the ring, sliding it off the raven’s finger, who raised an eyebrow in confusion, but instantly relaxed when he saw what Erwin did with it – dropping it into the glass of champagne which he then handed back to the raven.

“So, to do it the way it was supposed to be: Will you marry me?”

Levi laughed. And instantly played along, answering: “Yes – but I won’t drink up the champagne now because it’s unsanitary.”

Erwin chuckled.

**_THE END_ **


End file.
